Heroin Users 75% More Likely To Be Successful
Figures out today suggest that heroin and crack cocaine users are 75% more likely to achieve success in the creative arts and music industry than non-drugs users.
According to a recent poll, more than 88% of artists hitting the big time in the music industry are regular smackheads, with heroine and crack heading the “must-do” list of A-listers at the MTV music awards. The remaining 12% can be accounted for by Cliff Richards string of number one records.
Meanwhile, in the art world, cannabis features heavily in the top-rated European and U.S.A artworld with most artists expressing gratitude that cannabis will shortly be reclassified as a Class B drug. An anonymous artist who is not Banksy, but simply wishes to remain anonymous for this interview, stated, “Thank God, at last I will be taken seriously as an artist.”
The Royal College of Music is said to be looking into ways to increase drug use in the hope of propelling a few instrumentalists into the same highly paid limelight as fellow mentalists such as Amy Winehouse and Keith Richards.
Amy Winehouse is 24 and her latest tattoo reads “Flake loves Blake.”
I would like to use the statistics you have used in your article for my platform on “The War on Drugs.” I believe in the “Just say, ‘O.K., but just this once’”policy. It allows people to satisfy their curiosity, yet allows a way for them to get out is they decide drugs are not for them. Musicians need drugs, otherwise, we are stuck with Cliff Richard clones.
I’m so honoured Candidate Heare, having followed your campaign on climate change and drug abuse closely I will happily invent any statistic you require on the spot. The Bush administration usually pays me in unrefined oil for fully invented statistics and refined oil for partly invented statistics with just enough basis in truth to look plausible. I can also massage your figures, but please don’t ask to massage mine.